


Darkest Before Dawn

by Kerkerian



Series: Danny and Matt [2]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Caring Steve, Episode: s05e04 Ka No'eau (The Painter), Established Relationship, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Missing Scenes, mcdanno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-16 18:23:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13641927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kerkerian/pseuds/Kerkerian
Summary: Missing scenes for S05e04 "Ka Noeʻau"/"The Painter": what happens after Danny and Steve return to Oahu with Matt's remains.





	Darkest Before Dawn

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Hawaii Five-0.

 

On the flight back to Hawaii, Danny barely spoke. After they had taken the barrel to the airfield and loaded it into the plane's cargo hold, his hands had been shaking badly; images of what the contents probably looked like kept flooding his mind, and he wished, for the thousandth time, that he'd been able to stop his brother from leaving on that fateful night three years earlier. Steve had reached for him, but Danny had backed away: “I'm sorry,” he had said, his voice flat, “I can't.” So Steve had let him be, even though it hurt him to see his partner so heartbroken. But he understood- Danny needed to keep it together for now, because there were things to be done.

Once they had landed in Oahu, Danny called Max and arranged for him to take care of Matty's remains. His face during that conversation had been painful to watch, and Danny had to pause a few times because his voice gave out. Talking about it made it real, and this was only the first step. He had to inform his parents and organize the transport to Jersey. With the last thing at least, Steve was able to help, but that particular call was something Danny had to do himself.

 

When they finally got home, Danny stopped in the living room and looked at the phone for a moment, but then he suddenly rushed upstairs to the bathroom, and a moment later, Steve heard retching noises. He ran a hand over his face; it had been a long two days, and he could imagine how Danny felt right now. He had experienced similar gut-wrenching nightmares himself, after all, knew how the pain was almost physical.

He took off his boots, then he followed his partner, who was hunched over the toilet; they had barely eaten anything so it was mostly bile which came out. When the bout was over, Danny went to the sink and rinsed his mouth. Steve handed him a towel and steadied him with one arm as he slowly straightened up: “Okay?”

Danny nodded, exhaustedly closing his eyes for a moment; his throat hurt and he didn't want to talk. It was ten p.m. in New Jersey by now anyway, he knew that the call had to wait until the following day. He'd have preferred to get it over with, but on the other hand, he utterly dreaded to tell his parents. He knew that they had kept hoping that Matty'd one day come back into their lives and all would be well, if ever so miraculously.

Give them one more night of blessed oblivion, Danny thought, feeling the pain and terror of the horrid truth wash over him afresh. God, Matty. That barrel...

“Danno?” Steve, who saw how Danny's already red-rimmed eyes were suddenly swimming, gently pulled his partner closer, and this time, he didn't meet any protest, on the contrary: Danny sagged against him, crying silently at first even though his whole body was trembling. Steve wrapped his arms firmly around him, making minute rocking motions, but for a while, it only got worse. Danny's whole body was shaking and the sounds of raw, relentless grief he made at one point reminded Steve of a wounded animal.

“I've got you, baby,” he kept repeating near Danny's ear, pressing small kisses onto his temple from time to time, feeling utterly helpless. He had witnessed a lot of emotional moments with Danny over the years, but he had never seen him breaking down like this. It was disconcerting and hard to bear.

When Danny finally calmed down, Steve's own eyes were swimming and he was determined to never let anyone hurt Danny like this again. “I love you,” he whispered against Danny's skin, “so much.”

Danny took a shuddering breath before he lifted his head; he looked wretched.

“Thank you for being here,” he muttered without looking at Steve; his voice was barely audible. Steve rubbed his back with one hand, keeping his other arm around him: “Always,” he said softly.

With a small, desperate sound, Danny resumed his former position, winding his arms around Steve and holding on tightly, and Steve immediately reinforced his own grip around his partner again, grateful that Danny wasn't pushing him away, that he actually was able to give just what the other one needed.

 

Eventually though, Danny began to shiver from fatigue. Steve gently persuaded him to take a shower and then go to bed or at least sit down on the sofa.

To his surprise, Danny indeed opted for the bed, but he didn't find any sleep. Too many thoughts kept reeling around in his mind, too many images. He knew that at one point, he might have to worry about Marco Reyes, but he couldn't even consider that right then, it simply didn't matter. He tried to figure out what to say to his parents, how to tell Grace...

Steve, who was wrapped around Danny again, had at one point dozed off and was sleeping soundly now, occasionally snoring a little. Usually when Danny couldn't sleep, it helped him to listen to his partner's breathing, but he was too agitated, too high-strung. At three in the morning, he cautiously disentangled himself from Steve and padded into the living room; it was about eight a.m. in New Jersey, he knew that his parents were up by now. He could picture them, sitting at the breakfast table in their dressing gowns, reading the papers... He closed his stinging eyes for a moment because he felt near tears again, but he couldn't handle the wait any longer. Not at all sure what he was going to say, he picked up the phone and dialled his parents' number.

 

Steve woke up from a hand on his chest, a hand which was kneading the fabric of his shirt. A trembling hand. He wrenched his eyes open and saw Danny sitting next to him, hunched in on himself, holding the phone to his ear. Tears were running down his cheeks and he was nodding even though the person on the other end couldn't see that.

“I know,” he eventually said and his voice was brittle and faint, “I know, Dad.”

Steve sat up; the alarm clock on the nightstand said it was a quarter to four in the morning. He scooted closer to Danny, putting one reassuring hand on his thigh and stroking Danny's with the other.

“I know. Thank you. I'll call you later today,” Danny said. “Bye Dad.” He put the phone down and looked at Steve in the semi darkness of the very early morning: “I'm so sorry for them!”

Steve nodded, aware that Danny could well imagine the pain of a parent losing a child; it was his biggest fear, after all.

“How did they take it?” he asked softly.

“Ma just... screamed.” Danny wiped his eyes. “Dad... he sounded small. Maybe I should have called the girls first, I should-”

“Danno,” Steve interrupted him gently, squeezing his thigh. “You've done nothing wrong. It'd be equally hard on them if one of your sisters had told them.”

“But at least they're _there_. My mother-” Danny's voice gave out. He could still hear those unearthly screams and he was sure that they'd haunt them for the rest of his life.

“Danno,” Steve repeated. “It's not your fault, you hear me? I told you so before and I'm telling you now- none of this is your fault. There is nothing you could have done to prevent this.”

Danny shook his head, but he couldn't speak right then. His dad had said the same, but Danny still thought he ought to have found a way to keep Matt from leaving, ought to have protected his little brother.

Once more, Steve wrapped his arms around him and held him close, let him cry against his collarbone until the tears subsided. Eventually, Steve pulled Danny with him until they were lying against the pillows; they were both worn out. Steve kept stroking his partner's neck to soothe him, and it didn't take long until both of them were asleep.

 

When Steve woke up, it was after nine already but he still felt tired, his eyes gritty. Since Danny wasn't next to him anymore, Steve got up as well to check on him. He found him outside on the lanai where he sat with a blanket around his shoulders, looking into the distance. The air was unusually cool because it had been raining through the night; it would probably clear up later, become hot and humid.

Steve sat down next to Danny, who wordlessly lifted the blanket, brought his arm around Steve's shoulder and pulled him close. They sat like that for a while, sharing their warmth, then Danny cleared his throat: “I just talked to Stella. They're all there now, and they've called a doctor who gave Ma a sedative. She's sleeping now.” He just hoped she wasn't dreaming.

“Probably the best she can do,” Steve said quietly. He looked at Danny: “How're you doing?”

Danny shrugged: “I hate it,” he replied softly. “I hate it so much.”

“Yeah.” Steve took his hand and squeezed it: “Same here.”

Danny just beheld him for a long moment, then he kissed his cheek: “Thank you, big guy,” he breathed. “For always having my back.”

“You really don't have to thank me all the time,” Steve smiled a little. “You're my man. Goes without saying, Danno.”

Danny nodded, a tiny smile flitting over his exhausted features. “I love you,” he whispered.

Steve leaned against him: “Love you too.”

 

The End

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
